i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
