i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The air was thick with penises
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
