Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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