using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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