I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
