I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize