plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
