I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
