im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize