Will you blow on my dice?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
