No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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