Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
