She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
