Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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