its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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