Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
