i will never coherently bang her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
