I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
