Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
