We named our party play list daddy issues
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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