I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize