My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
