I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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