I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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