Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
