I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
