Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
