im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
