On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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