Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
