I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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