what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
