Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
