I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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