I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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