Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
