FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
