Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
