Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
