I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
