Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
