She is in my trunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
