I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
