I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
