get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
