I can text with my tongue
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
