Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
