Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
