we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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