that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
