You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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