I just saw a hot homeless man
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
