saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
