So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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