It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
wow bdsm is so cute
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
