my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
