we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize