I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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