got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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