i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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