i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
