You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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