your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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