honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
