how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
