did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you will always have a special place in my vag
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
