apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
