Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im drinking this country out of the recession.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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